The Comparison Trap: Why We Fall In—and How to Get Out

The messages are all around us—on every social media app, every streaming service, every advertisement. One moment we’re going about our day; the next, we’re bombarded with a subtle but persistent message: that we lack something someone else has.

This message is designed to provoke a response—a feeling of inferiority that marketers conveniently promise to resolve with various products and services. While it can often be easy to recognize this manipulation if we are looking for it, the emotions it stirs within us are very real.

Like many harmful mindsets, the temptation to compare ourselves to others is a slippery slope.

What may begin as casual comparison online can quickly spill over into our personal lives, affecting how we view friends and family. And while some degree of comparison can motivate us to work harder to achieve our goals, it often causes much more harm than good—especially when it becomes an obsession.

The true cost of comparison

Paul recognized the pitfalls of comparison. He wrote, “For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise” (2 Corinthians 10:12).

Spending our lives measuring ourselves against other people or their possessions is a foolish misuse of time and energy.

So, why is comparison so tempting? Because it comes naturally in this society under the sway of our adversary. Marketers, social media companies and others understand our vulnerabilities. They know precisely how to exploit and profit from the insecurities each of us carries.

But ultimately the devil doesn’t promote all this just to make us feel bad about ourselves. His purpose is far more sinister. He knows that when foolish comparison becomes a habit, our spiritual well-being suffers. We can become prideful or discouraged—or both.

Pride can be born from comparison and takes root when we measure our worth against others. When we allow Satan to lure us into constant comparison, he can lead us down a discouraging and dangerous path. This can cultivate harmful traits in us, such as:

• Amplified insecurity

Comparing ourselves to others often causes us to question our own abilities and, if we allow it to go far enough, our own sense of worth. After all, if we focus on the fact that there’s someone out there who’s better than us at everything—if we fixate on the fact there’s always someone who has something we don’t—we’re naturally going to question our own value and ability to contribute. The more we compare ourselves to those around us, the stronger this feeling becomes.

At its core, insecurity is often rooted in the fear that we have nothing unique or special to offer. When this fear takes hold, we typically respond in one of two ways: we either resign ourselves to it, or we overcompensate in an attempt to prove our value.

• Excessive competitiveness

The mental competition we participate in when we compare ourselves to others is an interesting one. It’s largely internal, taking place in the minds of those who engage in it. And it’s addictive. Before we know it, we can easily find ourselves sizing up each person we meet, mentally ranking them against ourselves.

It’s also exhausting. Maintaining this constant, unspoken competition takes a real toll. Striving to stay “ahead” in an imagined hierarchy of our own making is deeply fatiguing and yields little reward.

What’s more, it’s never-ending. There will always be someone new to compete with, or some new area in which to compare ourselves.

And perhaps worst of all, it prevents us from fully enjoying our friendships and robs us of the closeness those relationships could otherwise offer.

• Covetousness and envy

When endless competition fails to produce the satisfaction and reassurance we crave, other dangerous mindsets can quietly take root: covetousness and envy.

Though closely related, the two are distinct from each other. Covetousness arises when we desire what someone else has; envy follows when dissatisfaction begins to distort how we view others.

While this is a natural, human response, covetousness and envy pose great dangers to our emotional and spiritual health. Learn more in our online article “Thou Shalt Not Covet” and blog post “Fighting the Works of the Flesh: Envy.”

The Bible associates a particular ugliness with the sin of envy. For example, James 3:16 states, “Where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.”

What should we do?

For those who struggle with comparison, these patterns—and the damage they cause—are likely all too familiar. Recognizing the cycle is the first step; breaking it is the real challenge.

Imitate Christ

Measuring ourselves by others and comparing ourselves among ourselves is natural, but problematic. No matter how impressive or admirable an individual may be, every person we compare ourselves to is still an imperfect human being.

Except for one—the most important one. The only person Scripture calls us to measure ourselves with is Jesus Christ. He is the example we are to grow to become like.

We are encouraged to imitate Jesus Christ and walk as He walked (see our Discern series, starting with the article “Walk as He Walked”). The problem isn’t comparison itself—but who we choose to compare ourselves to.

When we focus on comparing ourselves to Christ rather than to others, pride can give way to humility, and discouragement can be replaced with hope. Striving to emulate Jesus Christ produces lasting fruit in our lives, such as:

• Security and a sense of purpose

God knows us and cares for us intimately. King David captured this love and care beautifully in Psalm 139, noting that God knows our “sitting down” and our “rising up” and is “acquainted with all [our] ways” (verses 2-3). He formed our inward parts and covered us in our mother’s womb (verse 13).

When we see how much God cares for each of us, we can realize that we don’t need to search for worth or compete to be special or unique in His eyes. We can feel secure in knowing that God the Father and Jesus Christ love us. They created us for a specific purpose, and They desire for us to be sons and daughters in the soon-coming Kingdom of God (see our online article “Becoming Sons and Daughters of God”).

Furthermore, when we understand God’s plan for us and the role that He wants us to play in it, we begin to see that our lives have a truly great purpose! A purpose that can’t be seen by focusing on ourselves or measuring ourselves against others in this physical life. When we feel ourselves being lured back into the comparison trap, keeping this perspective can help us resist temptation.

• Contentment and peace

Breaking the constant cycle of comparison allows us to finally breathe, finding peace and contentment in the life we have been blessed with. (For more on contentment, see our article “What’s the Real Source of Contentment?”)

The warning against covetousness in Hebrews 13:5 underscores the importance of being content with what we have, reassuring us that our Father and Elder Brother will provide for our needs and will never leave or forsake us.

• Genuine happiness for others

When comparison no longer governs our thinking, we become better friends and sources of support for those around us. Free from the need to compete, we can rejoice sincerely in the successes of others—even when they receive blessings and opportunities that we ourselves desire.

This freedom enables us to truly esteem others better than ourselves, to put their welfare and needs ahead of our own. This mindset directly challenges the natural inclination toward comparison and rivalry (see “The Meaning of Philippians 2:3: Esteem Others Better?”).

Guard against the trap

The temptation to return to the trap of comparison will always beckon. Yet when old habits resurface, fixing our eyes on Christ—making Him our only measure—reorients our perspective and strengthens our ability to resist.

In doing so, we can live with purpose, contentment and genuine joy for others as we strive to follow the example of Jesus Christ.