How to Parent a Teenager

Teenagers.

Just mentioning the word can cause anxiety for some people. Perhaps it’s because of memories of their own trip through the teen years, or perhaps it reflects experiences with their own children during that stage.

For many, those years of not being a child—but not quite being an adult either—are years of uncertainty, insecurity, learning, pushing boundaries and sometimes outright rebellion.

While adolescence has probably always been a challenging transitional time, it was faced very differently in the past. As the world has changed, the teenage experience has changed.

A better understanding of what those changes are can help us and our children better navigate this developmentally important time.

Adolescents in centuries past

Throughout much of history, adolescents were workers. In fact, children as young as 7 years old were often brought into the workforce. Both in towns and on farms, children worked beside their parents, doing what was necessary to support the family. When the Industrial Revolution spread in the 18th and 19th centuries, children began working long hours in factories.

As the standard of living rose in the developed world, educational opportunities began to change. Families were able to survive without their children’s financial contributions, so adolescents often stayed in school longer. Young people could now spend leisure time with peers, and this growing sense of freedom affected the way average teens viewed themselves and the world.

And this brought profound changes to the family.

Evolution of the teenager

It may come as a surprise to some, but prior to World War II, the term teenager was rarely used. Viewing adolescence as a distinct developmental stage can be traced to the postwar years. This newly defined stage of life came as a result of a greater level of family income combined with other societal changes.

One of those changes in the U.S. and much of the Western world was the availability of the automobile, which provided a degree of freedom and autonomy previously unheard of. Beginning in the 1950s, teenagers suddenly became trendsetters in music, fashion, film and dance.

It became the norm for teenagers to focus on experimentation rather than labor. Teens of the 1960s and 1970s were known for rebellious attitudes and a proclivity for risky behavior that included illegal drugs, abuse of alcohol and a high rate of sexual activity. Parents faced new challenges in helping their teenage children navigate the world and avoid destructive decisions.

But over the years, the behavior of the average teenager has changed. Studies by psychologists like Jean Twenge, professor of psychology at San Diego State University, have revealed profound changes in teenage behavior.

Parents, grandparents and guardians need to be certain they are modeling the kind of behavior they want to see from their teens. According to Dr. Twenge’s research, when compared with teenagers from past decades, 17- and 18-year-olds today are slightly less likely to have tried alcohol and drugs or to have had sex. They are also waiting longer to get a driver’s license or move out of their parents’ homes. On average, they are waiting longer to get married and to have children as well.

Commenting on these findings, the BBC article “Why Teenagers Aren’t What They Used to Be” states, “By many important measures, adolescence continues until around the age of 24 to 25” (Feb. 1, 2022).

What do teens face?

According to studies, the rates of sexual activity and drug and alcohol use among teens have declined since the early 2000s. Smoking has declined by nearly 70 percent among teens. Of course, all of this is good news for teens and parents! 

But does this mean teens are choosing to refrain from all risky behaviors? Not necessarily. 

A slew of studies reveal teen behaviors have changed, but not always for the better. The reality is that today’s teens have the ability to be involved in activities that didn’t exist for previous generations. The digital age has introduced new challenges and temptations for teenagers.

The impact of smartphones on teens

According to a 2025 Pew Research Center report, 95 percent of U.S. teenagers have access to a smartphone. These mobile electronic devices have single-handedly revolutionized teenage life. 

The artificial world of social media has created a heightened obsession with beauty and glamour that the average teen feels unable to attain. This has been linked to increased feelings of discouragement and depression among teens. As a result, studies have connected the unrealistic images of life shown on social media with a rise in suicides among teenage girls.

Smartphones have also contributed to automobile accidents. Studies show that a texting driver is much more likely to have an accident, and yet 40 percent of teen drivers report texting when they are behind the wheel!

Access to smartphones has also increased access to pornography. It’s not an overstatement to declare pornography one of the greatest pandemics of our time. The U.S. Department of Justice stated: “Never before in the history of telecommunications media in the United States has so much indecent (and obscene) material been so easily accessible by so many minors in so many American homes with so few restrictions.”

A 2022 survey by Common Sense Media found that 75 percent of our sons and 70 percent of our daughters have been exposed to online pornography before the age of 18, with more than half having their first exposure before they’re 13. Over half of teenage boys reported viewing pornographic videos intentionally, compared to 36 percent of girls.

As the digital world expands and brings new challenges, it’s never been more important for parents and teens to be grounded in the eternal standards of God. Another challenge associated with this is the rise of sexting, or “self porn.” Different studies show different statistics about teens who have sent nude images of themselves by text, email or app, but all of the estimates are alarming. Laws against child pornography seem to have a limited impact.

Other issues teens face include AI, gender dysphoria, marijuana and vaping. (See our online articles “Artificial Intimacy: Why AI Will Never Satisfy Our Deepest Needs,” “What Does the Bible Say About Gender Identity?” “Why You Shouldn’t Smoke Marijuana—Even If It’s Legal” and “Should Christians Vape?”

These are just some of the many challenges that teens face today. 

How can a parent respond?

The world of a typical teenager seems far more complicated than in previous generations. So where does that leave parents and teens who desire to live a godly life? There are several important points for us to keep in mind.

1. God’s standards don’t change. Parents must keep in mind that no matter where societal trends might go, the solid truth of the Bible never changes! God told the prophet Malachi, “For I am the LORD, I do not change” (Malachi 3:6). And the book of Hebrews declares, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).

What was sin in the past is still sin today. Our responsibility is to understand the principles our Creator gives us in Scripture and how to apply them to modern challenges. While these challenges aren’t named in Scripture, the moral principles they violate are there—and are timeless. 

As the digital world expands and brings new challenges, it’s never been more important for parents and teens to be grounded in the eternal standards of God.

2. Stay connected with your children. God instructed the Israelites to teach their children about God’s ways “when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up” (Deuteronomy 6:7). This instruction must be a constant part of our relationship with our children. 

But when our own lives are flooded with so much to do, how can we possibly keep up with everything our children are doing? School and a wide range of social activities are only a few of the items on their plate. Is it possible for parents to keep up with all of that?

The No. 1 key is open communication. 

It’s critical to be involved and informed about their lives, their friends, and where and what they do. Although our relationship with our children evolves over time, we must always endeavor to be parents who have their best interests at heart. 

If we want to provide counsel and guidance, we must know what they’re facing.

3. Set appropriate boundaries. Teenagers are almost adults, but not quite. So, they will continue to require rules and the motivation to follow them. You will naturally adjust your rules depending on the age and maturity of your teen, but it is essential to establish limits and curfews for them. There are also a wide variety of parental control apps for computers, tablets and smartphones. It would be wise to research and choose tools that will help set proper boundaries for your teen. 

4. Pray for discernment and wisdom. James wrote, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5). Parents of teens know how much they need wisdom to properly guide and teach their children!

5. Set the right example. In addition to taking the important steps listed above, parents, grandparents and guardians need to be certain they are modeling the kind of behavior they want to see from their teens. We should ask ourselves if we are being honest, if we are trustworthy, if we are living by the moral standards we want our teens to hold. “Do as I say, not as I do” doesn’t work with child-rearing, and it most certainly will not work with teenagers.

The teen years are something everyone must go through. The way society has viewed these years has changed over the centuries, and the influences teens face today are different from those past generations faced. But these years need not be so dreadful for teens and parents.

We all need to focus on the never-changing truths of God to form the foundation for our values and behaviors. There will be challenges, detours and difficult times, but parents can use the Bible as their guide to help their children navigate through their teenage years.