How to “Do All Things Without Complaining”

Have you ever heard someone start a comment with “I don’t mean to complain, but . . .”—and then go right on to complain? Chances are good you’ve heard something like that.

The more uncomfortable question is, Has anyone ever heard you or me start a complaint with those same words?

How often does the average person complain?

It seems complaining is almost hardwired into the human psyche. According to Will Bowen in his book A Complaint-Free World, the average person complains 15 to 30 times every day. That’s a lot of complaining!

I should clarify that I’m not talking about a legitimate complaint you bring to someone who can resolve the problem, like calling customer service with the complaint that your cell phone isn’t working properly. Those are legitimate complaints for which we can reasonably expect a solution.

But most of the time, when we speak of complaints, we are referring to the negative complaining that is spewed to anyone and everyone about almost anything. The complainer isn’t really looking for a solution, only to vent dissatisfaction.

Chronic complaining

Modern research reveals what most of us already understand: complaining becomes habitual. A person can get in the habit of looking for the negative things so he or she can complain about them, and a complaining cycle is created.

What we may not have known is that habitual complaining actually rewires our brains to make us more sensitive to the negative and therefore more likely to keep complaining. The habit makes physiological changes in our brains.

Why do we complain?

What motivates negative complaining?

The Bible has quite a bit to say about complaining—and none of it is positive. It is no surprise that people complain more when they are stressed, overtired or just not feeling well. Those are the times when many of the normal irritations of life seem much bigger and more overwhelming. Since we want to vent that frustration, we complain about whatever or whoever we believe is adding to our stress load.

Stress does make everything seem worse, but that isn’t the only reason people complain. A complaint may be used as an excuse for poor performance or simply as a way to get more attention and sympathy.

Whatever the cause, most people get tired of a complainer very quickly!

Bible verses about complaining

Should Christians be complainers? As it turns out, the Bible has quite a bit to say about complaining—and none of it is positive.

In Philippians 2:14 the apostle Paul counsels us to “do all things without complaining and disputing.” And in the next verse he tells us that this is part of how we live “blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation.”

Why doesn’t God like complaining? Does He merely get tired of hearing complaints just as we do, or is there a deeper reason?

Consider the example of ancient Israel in the Bible. Their history is one of constant complaining. After God powerfully and miraculously delivered them from slavery in Egypt, it seems nothing He did was ever good enough!

They complained about not having water (Exodus 15:24), then complained about not having meat and bread (Exodus 16:2-3), then complained that all they got was that bread (Numbers 11:1-6).

Notice that God summarized their attitude as being one of unbelief—lack of faith.

“Now with whom was He angry forty years? Was it not with those who sinned, whose corpses fell in the wilderness? And to whom did He swear that they would not enter His rest, but to those who did not obey? So we see that they could not enter in because of unbelief” (Hebrews 3:17-19).

Such complaining shows we don’t have faith in God to take care of us. In fact, grumbling is like saying our Father isn’t doing a very good job of providing what we need.

God’s response to that was made very clear in Numbers 11:1. When the people once again began to complain, He consumed some of them with fire for the offense!

Complaining is contagious

Complaining is also contagious. When one person complains about something, it causes others to consider that they may not be satisfied either, and the complaint gains legs and spreads like a virus.

That isn’t the kind of thinking God wants to spread.

How to stop complaining

If God doesn’t want us to be complainers, what are we to do? How can we become complaint-free? Let me share a few thoughts that can help each of us break the habit of complaining.

1. Practice thankfulness toward God (Ephesians 5:20).

As much as a negative focus can become habit, so can a positive focus.

If we were to make a list of all the things for which we should be thankful, I imagine it would be quite a lengthy list. From the simple and basic (I have clothes and I’ve eaten today) to the big (I have a warm, dry home and people who love me), many of us are very blessed.

Focusing on being thankful and regularly expressing that thanks to God in our prayers leaves much less room for complaints. We can focus more on what we do have than what we don’t have.

2. Practice being content (Philippians 4:11-13).

This closely follows the first suggestion, but acknowledges that many complaints are born from the feeling that we don’t have or didn’t get what we wanted and think we deserve.

When we feel like we were cheated or overlooked, that empty feeling begs us to complain. But if we ask God to help us learn to be content with what He has provided, the emptiness dissipates, and we have less to complain about.

3. Take your worries, hurts and concerns to God in prayer, and ask Him for peace of mind (Philippians 4:6-7).

Our Father is the ultimate source of help, and the best source of help any of us could ever have.

Who better to lay our worries and even gripes before, and ask for His help to work our way through them? And when we do, we can get up from prayer and look for the answers our Father will provide.

Change the complaining habit

One of the most amazing things about the way God designed and created our minds is that they can change. Bad habits can be overcome and replaced with good habits. It just takes time, concerted effort and often the added help from our Father.

But this means a mind that has developed the habit of negative complaining can with time change to be more positive and thankful for God’s blessings. We can, in faith, know that God will never lay more on us than we can handle, and He will always provide what we need (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Next time we are tempted to make a statement that starts with “I don’t mean to complain,” perhaps we can stop it right there—and not complain!

Study more about applying the above points in these blog posts and articles:

• “In Everything Give Thanks.”
• “What’s the Real Source of Contentment?”
• “Finding Peace of Mind.”