If Your Brother Sins Against You

Christians know that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23) and that “if we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves” (1 John 1:8).

What this means is that even Christians sin, and you may have a fellow Christian commit a serious sin that affects you. So, what should you do if your brother sins against you?

Thankfully, Jesus taught His disciples what to do.

The context of His teaching

Before looking at the specific instructions Jesus provided, it is important to look at the context of the lesson. It all began after the disciples asked Him, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” (Matthew 18:1).

In response, Jesus called a little child over (verse 2). This was undoubtedly surprising to His disciples, who were focused on status and rank.

This initial interaction between Jesus and His disciples set the stage for His teaching throughout the remainder of the chapter.

Humility comes first

Jesus told His disciples they could enter the Kingdom only after they became “as little children” (verse 3). Expositor’s Bible Commentary points out that “the child is held up as an ideal, not of innocence, purity, or faith, but of humility and unconcern for social status” (Vol. 8, p. 397).

The disciples had been concerned about their own status in the Kingdom. Jesus, on the other hand, made it clear in this passage that God places great value on those people who might be considered of little importance.

To drive home His point, He warned His disciples not to act in such a way as to cause “one of these little ones” to sin (verse 6).

He also offered a parable about a lost sheep to illustrate that every person is important to God. The Father is not willing that “one of these little ones should perish” (verse 14).

We must all adopt the same attitude toward our brothers and sisters in Christ and toward all of mankind.

If your brother sins against you

It is in the context of how we view other people that Jesus taught His disciples what to do “if your brother sins against you” (verse 15).

First we need to recognize that this passage is talking about sins—the kind of wrongdoing that could cause a person to be put out of the church (verse 17). It is not about misunderstandings, hurt feelings or slights that offend us. Seeking reconciliation in those situations is also important, but different approaches may be needed. For example, in a situation where a person has offended us with unkind words, in many cases simply saying to that person, “I wish you hadn’t said that” or “Your comment hurt . . .” and dropping it would be sufficient. (See our study guide The 5 Rs of Healing Relationships.)

In the context of Matthew 18 and a serious sin against you, realize that how you approach a Christian brother or sister who has wronged you can lead him or her to repentance, if done with spiritual maturity. The primary concern should always be for the spiritual welfare of the sinning member.

The first step is a simple conversation with the brother or sister (verse 15). That conversation is to be held in private, not in front of other people. This demonstrates an attitude of concern for your fellow Christian, who might be embarrassed if the sin against you becomes public knowledge.

The Greek word behind the concept of telling someone his or her fault is elenchō. This word can mean to expose or to rebuke. But the objective in telling a fellow Christian his or her fault is more about the other person than it is about the victim. Expositor’s notes that the point “is not to score points over him but to win him over . . . because all discipline . . . must begin with redemptive purposes” (Vol. 8, p. 402).

It is important to understand that wisdom precludes this approach for serious sins, such as abuse, or situations that could put a person in danger. For instance, a professing Christian who abuses his wife may react violently if she asks him to face his abusive behavior.

Otherwise, however, telling a brother “his fault between you and him alone” (verse 15) is the right starting point. That individual might be unaware of how his or her sinful words or actions affected you. In such cases, communication is all that is needed.

If he will not hear

Unfortunately, some might not respond as we hope. They might reject any notion that they have sinned against a brother. Jesus provided a second step for such situations.

He instructed His disciples to set up another meeting, but with one or two other Christians accompanying the victim (verse 16). The meeting would still be private, protecting the dignity and reputation of the sinning brother.

This other individual or individuals would be there as witnesses of the sin, not witnesses of the conversation. Witnesses of the sin, of course, are aware of it before the offended person comes to them. This is not about trying to find friends who will be on your side.

The presence of another person or two would impress upon the sinning brother the gravity of the situation. (The need for other witnesses could also take care of the possibility that you, as the aggrieved party, may be wrong in what you have perceived as sin.)

If the brother who sinned against you acknowledges his sin and commits to making the appropriate changes, the process can conclude at this point. However, if the sinning brother continues to be unrepentant, the presence of another witness (or two) sets the stage for the next step.

This preparation is in accordance with the law God gave Israel requiring multiple witnesses to establish any legal claim: “by the mouth of two or three witnesses the matter shall be established” (Deuteronomy 19:15).

Tell it to the church

Jesus told His disciples that if an individual refuses to acknowledge and repent of sin, even when confronted by multiple witnesses, the matter should be taken to the church. This does not mean to publicize a member’s sins to all other members. It refers to representatives of the church in positions of leadership.

The context of Matthew 18:17 helps us understand. In the next verse (verse 18), Jesus said: “Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” Matthew Poole’s Commentary explains, “By the church then must be meant those who had power to bind and loose.”

Once the church hears the case, the brother who sinned may yet repent.

Regrettably, some individuals will so harden their hearts that they won’t acknowledge their sins or repent, even when the church knows about those sins. That happened in ancient Corinth, prompting the apostle Paul to have the sinner put out of the church (1 Corinthians 5:5). But even in this situation, the goal was to induce the sinning brother to repent so “that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus” (verse 5).

An ancient decree

Jesus established that this procedure be followed when a Christian sins against a fellow Christian. However, taking responsibility for the spiritual well-being of neighbors was already present in the law of God.

Ancient Israel was given this command: “You shall surely rebuke your neighbor” (Leviticus 19:17). In modern Western culture, this may seem intrusive, but the context of the quote makes it clear that this action is a matter of taking responsibility for the neighbor’s spiritual well-being.

The beginning of the verse sheds light on what it means to fail to carry through with this responsibility: “You shall not hate your brother in your heart.” In the same way, the end of the verse points out that failing to fulfill this duty would be a sin.

What this means is that we should love our fellow Christians enough (verse 18) to be willing to gently point out their sins. Although our motivation can include rectifying wrongs we’ve experienced, it must also include helping our brothers and sisters repent of sins that could easily destroy them. Of course, the Bible is also clear that we must bear with one another (Colossians 3:13) and that love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).

A warning about judgment

This responsibility is one that must be approached with deep humility, discernment and wisdom. We must be certain of our motivation, but also of our capacity to assess a situation properly and understand how to proceed.

That’s why Jesus warned His disciples about making unjust judgments (Matthew 7:1-2). It’s easy to see the sins of others and to judge their words and behavior.

What’s not so easy is removing the veil from our eyes so that we can first see our own sins. Jesus included a touch of irony when He spoke of ignoring the “plank” in our own eyes at the very time that we attempt to remove the tiny “speck” from the eye of a brother (verse 3).

Approaching the brother who sins against you requires another trait—spiritual maturity. In Paul’s letter to the churches of Galatia, he wrote that those “who are spiritual” should be the ones who restore anyone “overtaken in any trespass” (Galatians 6:1).

Turning sinners back to God

Sins should not be ignored. (Remember, this process in Matthew 18 is for serious sins that would result in a member being put out of the church if that individual did not repent. It is not for less serious offenses.)

Such sins should be addressed, but in the proper spirit and with spiritual maturity. Both come from a close relationship with God.

If your brother sins against you, seek reconciliation with humility. If the idea of speaking to your brother about the issue is daunting, pray about it. If you ask God in faith and humility, He will give you the wisdom you need (James 1:5-6).

As James wrote, helping a fellow Christian turn back to God is a wonderfully rewarding act: “Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins” (James 5:19-20).