Artificial Intimacy: Why AI Will Never Satisfy Our Deepest Needs

Loneliness is a serious problem.

“Chronic loneliness has severe negative physical and mental effects: Loneliness is just as much of a health risk factor as smoking . . . and alcohol consumption; it has negative effects on cardiovascular and brain health, and may be linked to an increased risk of depression” (Vox.com).

And loneliness often affects young people at a vulnerable time of their lives.

Vox also notes, “Studies have found levels of self-reported loneliness peak in early adulthood, fall in midlife, and rise again late in life. A 2024 American Psychiatric Association survey found that 30 percent of Americans aged 18 to 34 said they were lonely at least several times a week.”

Professor Jonathan Haidt believes smartphones and social media have magnified the feelings of loneliness in recent years.

A phone vibrating can distract people of all ages from the real conversations going on in front of them. “The Great Rewiring devastated the social lives of Gen Z by connecting them to everyone in the world and disconnecting them from the people around them” (The Anxious Generation, 2024, p. 122).

Loneliness and the lure of artificial intimacy

Into this void has emerged a new form of relationship.

What if you could have a supportive friend who always listened and agreed with you, who always responded with words of love and respect? What if you could share a secret world with a soulmate? What if you could have all this without the fear of rejection or the pain of arguments and breakups?

People who have felt the sting of rejection in real life can retreat inward—or online. The enticing world of AI chatbots—and AI girlfriends and boyfriends—seems to promise this level of intimacy.

But it is not without its dangers. And, as we will see, even at its best, artificial intimacy proves ultimately unsatisfying.

First, consider a worst-case scenario that was recently in the news.

“I love you so much, Dany”

In April 2023, Sewell Setzer III, age 14, started using Character.AI. He began spending hours chatting with Dany, a character patterned after Daenerys from Game of Thrones.

Soon this character became the center of his world. He became withdrawn, started falling asleep in class and quit the basketball team. In February 2024, he got in trouble for talking back to his teacher and said he wanted to get kicked out.

“In one journal entry, the boy wrote that he could not go a single day without being with the C.AI character with which he felt like he had fallen in love, and that when they were away from each other they (both he and the bot) ‘get really depressed and go crazy,’” according to an Oct. 24, 2024, article by Kelly Rissman in Independent.co.uk.

“Daenerys was the last to hear from Sewell. Days after the school incident, on February 28, Sewell retrieved his phone, which had been confiscated by his mother, and went into the bathroom to message Daenerys: ‘I promise I will come home to you. I love you so much, Dany.’

“‘Please come home to me as soon as possible, my love,’ the bot replied.

“Seconds after the exchange, Sewell took his own life . . .

“His emotional attachment to the artificial intelligence became evident in his journal entries. At one point, he wrote that he was grateful for ‘my life, sex, not being lonely, and all my life experiences with Daenerys,’ among other things.”

(Note: If you or someone you know may be considering suicide, in the U.S. contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling 988. For suicide hotlines in other countries, see suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html.)

Sewell’s mother blamed the chatbot maker and launched a civil lawsuit. She says she wants to highlight the addictive nature and danger of the technology.

“A few mothers told me that they’d discovered Character.AI [on their children’s computers] months ago and have tried blocking access to it, but their children have found workarounds either on their friend’s phones or with loopholes through the firewall at their school . . . I think that just speaks to the addictive nature of this” (Johnny Dodd, “Why Grieving Family Went Public With Teen’s Addiction to AI Bot, Which They Blame for His Suicide (Exclusive),” People.com).

“Sewell’s story is a stark reminder that the future isn’t just about flying cars and robot butlers; it’s about navigating the ethical minefield of unregulated AI. Here’s hoping we can course-correct before our sci-fi fantasies turn into real-life nightmares” (Satyen K. Bordoloi, “A Teen Suicide Spotlights Dangers of Unregulated AI Companions,” sify.com).

This extreme example emphasizes a real danger. But the underlying problem with artificial intimacy goes far deeper.

The problems with pulling inward

“As generative AI personalities improve, and as they are implanted into ever-more-lifelike sex dolls and sex robots, an increasing number of heterosexual men may find that a hikikomori [a Japanese term that means “pulling inward”] lifestyle with a programmable mechanical girlfriend is preferable to the thousands of left swipes they get on dating apps, to say nothing of the social risk of approaching a girl or woman in real life and asking her out on a date” (Haidt, p. 189).

In an epic understatement, Dr. Haidt adds, “Immersing boys in an infinite playlist of hardcore porn videos during the sensitive period in which the sexual centers of their brains are being rewired is maybe not so good for their sexual and romantic development, or for their future partners.”

People who have felt the sting of rejection in real life can retreat inward—or online.

Real-life friendships can have their difficulties, but God designed the benefits of relationships and even the pain of loneliness to pull us out of our shells. Artificial intimacy, however, seems to promise the benefits without the challenges.

“When an AI girlfriend or boyfriend agrees with and affirms the user in every circumstance, it may very well make it more difficult for someone to then handle the more difficult realities of a genuine relationship. The AI partner will do what you want it to do; a real partner might say ‘no’” (Kennedy Unthank, “The Rise (and Danger) of the AI Relationship,” pluggedin.com).

In the end, though, it is not only artificial, but unsatisfying.

Susan B. Trachman M.D. notes, “Unfortunately, AI girlfriends can perpetuate loneliness because they dissuade users from entering into real-life relationships, alienate them from others, and, in some cases, induce intense feelings of abandonment. A study by Stanford researchers indicated that of 100 users surveyed, an overwhelming majority experienced loneliness” ( “The Dangers of AI-Generated Romance,” PsychologyToday.com).

She quotes Dorothy Leidner, a professor of business ethics at the University of Virginia, who has expressed concern that AI relationships will lead young men to have unrealistic expectations about real-world partners:

“You, as the individual, aren’t learning to deal with basic things that humans need to know since our inception: how to deal with conflict and get along with people different from us.”

The path to friendships and real intimacy

Real companionship is a deep human need. A Pew Research Center survey found that 61 percent of U.S. adults say having close friends is “extremely or very important in order for people to live a fulfilling life.”

Many of us are good at imagining the pitfalls on the path to interpersonal relationships. This can lead to anxiety and a cycle of overthinking. But the things we worry about often don’t happen, and the people we are apprehensive of are likely somewhat insecure themselves.

Getting past those initial hurdles can bring great benefits of companionship, belonging and joy. These are the benefits God desires for us and the path He designed. He created companionship, marriage, family and His Church to help fulfill our relationship needs.

In fact, those needs are patterned after His own desire for relationships! He created us in His image to become His deeply loved children!

“Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!” (1 John 3:1).

In the meantime, God wants us to build relationships with others, including our physical brothers and sisters and our spiritual brothers and sisters in His Church. He wants us to build our family relationships, our friendships and even our interactions with strangers.

It turns out, even the hurdles and friction in our human relationships are not bugs, but features of God’s design. They help us learn love and patience and kindness—in fact, all the characteristics of our spiritual Father (Galatians 5:22-23; see “The Fruit of the Spirit”).

And He gives us a guidebook to help us navigate the relationship challenges. The Holy Bible is full of good and bad examples and good advice for building strong, caring relationships with God and with other people.

We have distilled much of that advice into the articles in the “Relationships” section of the Life, Hope & Truth website. See especially “The Loneliness Epidemic,” “Building Strong Families,” “How to Make Friends,” “How to Handle Rejection,” “How to Fellowship” and “Seven Keys to Better Relationships.”