The Masculinity Crisis: What Are We Building and Who Are We Serving?

Richard Reeves leads an organization focused on men’s problems. In his book Of Boys and Men, he takes us back to the 1970s to help explain some of the challenges confronting American men today.

One of his key observations is that deindustrialization—and the offshoring of factory jobs—marked the beginning of a decline in men’s fortunes.

Why? For one simple reason: physical strength became less valuable.

That’s not the whole story, of course. The modern male crisis is layered and complex. But Reeves puts his finger on something that feels instantly true to many men.

Scripture says, “The glory of young men is their strength” (Proverbs 20:29, emphasis added throughout). But what happens to the male psyche when that “glory” has nowhere to go? What happens when male strength is devalued or channeled into trivial pursuits or even demonized?

When the outlet disappears

Part of the reason Reeves’ point strikes such a resonant chord is because we intuitively understand that outlets matter. At a basic level, human beings want an opportunity to contribute what they uniquely have to offer—and to be rewarded for it.

Having a meaningful outlet helps with that. It can reinforce identity. It can provide fulfillment and a sense of purpose. But strip those outlets away—from individuals or from an entire demographic—and watch their psychology slowly start to unravel.

So it makes sense that when society suddenly shifted to favor a different set of skills—ones where men, on average, are at a disadvantage—some men experienced a kind of vacuum.

A sense of displacement. A fumbling for meaning.

Their outlet was gone.

So what’s the solution? Should we just bring brawny jobs back to our shores and expect the manhood crisis to resolve itself?

There’s more to it than that. If outlets matter—and they absolutely do—then the kind of outlets also matter. And what sometimes seems to be gaining a lot of traction on social media is a brand of masculinity glorifying the wrong outlets—and that’s damaging.

How types of goals affect us

This brings us to a useful distinction: instrumental good versus intrinsic good.

An instrumental good is something that is valued not for what it is, but for what it helps us achieve. In other words, it’s a behavior or goal that serves as a means to an end—things like lifting weights, earning money or having sex.

An intrinsic good, by contrast, is valued for its own sake. It’s something that’s good in itself—like taking care of the poor, providing for your family or loving your spouse. Ultimately, what is intrinsically good is defined by God.

This distinction matters because some of the messages aimed at men today get it completely backward. One version of masculinity that, unfortunately, gets taken seriously says, “Make instrumental goods the ultimate goal.”

According to this model, masculinity essentially becomes the following:

Build your body. Pile up cash. Attract women.

But that’s not real manhood—that’s self-aggrandizement. It’s ego.

The problem is, these goals fail to connect you to something deeper. You’re not moving toward something that’s bigger than yourself.

And that’s when things start to go wrong. You can’t find true fulfillment that way. No one can. Fulfillment doesn’t come from serving only yourself. You need a greater mission to experience greater meaning.

Here’s a better ideal:

Exercise so that you can be strong, healthy and present for the people who count on you. Earn money so that you can provide for your family and help those who are barely getting by. Have sex within a committed marriage so that you can build love and unity with your wife.

Notice how none of those items are inherently wrong. It comes down to the aim. The same actions take on a different weight when they’re pointed in a different direction. Hitting the gym, making a high salary, having sex—all of these are right when they happen in the right context and when they serve a godly purpose.

When we use instrumental goods as a bridge to intrinsic goods, the whole pursuit changes—and so does the effect it has on us.

But when our outlets don’t serve a higher aim, they’re either sin or a cheap substitute for fulfillment.

The role of selflessness

That’s not to say men aren’t allowed to have hobbies. We need outlets for leisure, fun and creativity.

But we need to stay on guard against distorted ideas of masculinity that turn us inward—ideas that train us to think in terms of What do I get out of this? instead of What am I building? Who am I serving?

One line of questioning is rooted in selfishness and ultimately leads to emptiness; the other is rooted in selflessness—and can shape us into the kind of people God wants us to be.

Men, the goal isn’t to resent our strength, drive and ambition. It’s also not to waste them on things that are purely self-serving. The goal should be to redeem those qualities.

To aim them outward.

This is what the apostle Paul said to do: “Instead of being motivated by selfish ambition or vanity, each of you should, in humility, be moved to treat one another as more important than yourself. Each of you should be concerned not only about your own interests, but about the interests of others as well” (Philippians 2:3-4, NET Bible).

That’s a command for both men and women, no doubt. But as men, God has entrusted us with particular strengths—strengths He intentionally designed and equipped us with. What should we do with those strengths? Surrender them to a bigger purpose. Use them as tools for service.

For intrinsic goods.

Paul says again, “Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor” (1 Corinthians 10:24, English Standard Version).

It’s a theme that runs throughout Scripture—and one that can’t be left out of any honest discussion about masculinity.

What am I building? Who am I serving? If these questions sit at the center of our decision-making, we’re charting a course for being the kind of men God is proud of.

Because true masculinity doesn’t exist to serve itself. It exists to serve others.

The perfect model

If we’re looking for a model of true masculinity—the kind that sets aside self in pursuit of a goal that seeks the good of others—then Jesus is the One we should look to. A lot of men in the Bible stepped up to serve when they needed to and are remembered for that choice. One clear example is Moses, who walked away from the prospect of a comfortable and self-indulgent life in Egypt in order to ultimately lead and serve his people (Hebrews 11:24-26).

But no one embodied that calling perfectly as Jesus Christ did.

There wasn’t a point in Jesus’ life where He had to shift His focus to be more others-centered.

Jesus was committed to a spiritual purpose that benefited others—and He spent Himself completely on it.

The disciples heard Him say plainly, “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28). And on another occasion, Jesus made it clear that His mission had nothing to do with personal interests: “I do not seek My own will but the will of the Father who sent Me” (John 5:30).

If we’re looking for a model of true masculinity—the kind that sets aside self in pursuit of a goal that seeks the good of others—then Jesus is the One we should look to.

An outlook that works

The general state of a lot of men today is fraught with challenges. And there is no single cause. We can look at decades of societal changes—cultural shifts away from biblical gender roles, the absence of fathers, economic shake-ups—and see how they all played a part in getting us here.

But the piece of the puzzle that sometimes gets overlooked is modern culture’s relentless pressure on men to turn inward. To care only about things that benefit us first and foremost. To search for outlets that feed shallow passions instead of connecting us to something deeper.

Our culture teaches us that you are what matters most—exactly what Paul warned Timothy would happen in the last days: “Men will become utterly self-centred” (2 Timothy 3:2, J.B. Phillips New Testament).

And when that’s the message, it’s no surprise that the noble call to serve and live for something greater than ourselves gets pushed aside.

Men don’t benefit from that. We suffer.

God has a different vision for what men should focus on. It’s laid out in the examples of Jesus Christ and the other heroes in the Bible who chose selflessness over selfishness. If we imitate them, it will foster meaning, fulfillment and lasting joy.

We can get there when we start asking: What am I building? Who am I serving?

For further study, see “What Happened to Masculinity?” and related posts on LifeHopeandTruth.com.