Christian Conversation

Linda* is well-known for noticing and talking to those who are off by themselves after church services.

Cathy* keeps up with current events and happenings in her community and seems to always be ready to bring up a discussion topic precisely tailored for the person she’s speaking to.

Dillon’s* short but friendly greetings make people smile. If he’s holding the door open for an elderly woman, he’ll probably say something like, “How are you, young lady?”

Bea’s* interest in people is genuine and her knack for listening makes people feel comfortable opening up.

(*Not their real names.)

All of these—and more—can be examples of Christian conversation.

What is Christian conversation?

Christian conversation is about showing love for other people and is rooted in our love for God. It is because we love God and desire to please and honor Him that we reach out to people in conversation.

Christian conversation can include fellowship among believers. It can be something we do before or after church services. It can take place on the weekly Sabbath or annual holy days.

But it’s not limited to any of these. Christian conversation can be any conversation that we as Christians have. It can take place on any day of the week, in any location, with any person who is willing and responsive.

It begins in the heart

The mindset necessary for Christian conversation begins with our love for God and a desire to please Him.

We can pray what King David wrote: “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD” (Psalm 19:14).

God is the creator of all mankind, and He loves people. He wants humanity to learn about and practice His way of life. Ultimately, He desires all of us to be in His family!

Our knowledge of God and His plan can help us view every person we meet as a potential brother or sister. And it should lead us to ask Him for His help and blessing on our efforts to communicate with our future family members.

The fruit of the Spirit

Christian conversation requires that our words be pleasing to God and Christ. Foul language or vulgarities do not have a place in Christian conversation, and neither do inappropriate topics that revel in or minimize sin. Such works of the flesh (Galatians 5:19-21) are incompatible with a Christian’s life and conversation.

The fruit of the Spirit, on the other hand, can enhance and enrich our conversations as Christians. Love, joy, peace, patience (longsuffering), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23)—every single characteristic of that essential fruit produced in Christians—can be put to work and have a place in what we talk about.

Practical pointers (body language)

Christian conversation starts in our heart with love and concern for another person and showing interest in and respect for him or her. But there are also tangible, practical things we can put to work in our conversations.

Here are a few basic conversation skills that can help:

• Smile. The importance of being friendly really can’t be overstated—especially if we’re just getting to know someone.
• Make eye contact. Looking the other person in the eye can enhance emotional connection and communication. But we shouldn’t be staring the other person down. The goal is to do what will feel natural to the other person, and experts say this means looking away from the other person’s eyes briefly every 10 seconds or so.
• Be sensitive to the need for personal space. Giving a conversation partner 4 feet of space is a good rule of thumb, but be alert to the possibility that he or she needs more space. Backing up, looking away or speaking quickly are some possible signals.
• Speak loud enough to be heard. We don’t want the other person to have to strain to hear us.

Not all of us are extroverts by nature—and some of us can feel anxious in social situations. However, we can grow in Christian conversation by trying to keep our focus on serving God and others, stretching ourselves a little at a time. Love is outgoing concern for others, and this can help us to forget about ourselves and focus on the other person.

If you find an aspect of conversation particularly difficult, consider looking for a book or online article about conversation skills. For instance, if maintaining eye contact is challenging for you, do an online search for exercises or techniques to practice that can help you improve your skills and feel more comfortable.

But remember, the goal is to focus on the other person and make him or her comfortable, so don’t stress about techniques if that will just make you and the other person less comfortable.

What should we talk about?

Is Christian conversation limited to religious or biblical topics?

It certainly wouldn’t be wrong to talk about our faith and our calling! But those aren’t the only things we can talk about.

Christianity is to be our way of life and something we practice all day, every day. It can and should touch everything we do and say. So everything that is part of our lives as Christians can be part of our Christian conversation. 

We can talk about what’s going on in the world (and especially how we see the day of Christ’s return approaching), what’s going on in our lives, our families, our work and our play, and our trials and difficulties.

If we’ve just met someone or are talking to him or her for the first time, our conversation might start out with general interest or even trivial topics. It’s easy, natural and comfortable to make comments about the building we’re in, the general surroundings, the weather, etc.

It can also work to open a conversation with a question and then look for common ground. For instance, when I fly on a plane, I usually ask my seatmate whether he or she is flying home or visiting our destination. That simple question often opens up enough possibilities to keep me and my seatmate engaged in conversation for as long as both of us want. But, of course, some passengers prefer silence, so respect their desire.

What we shouldn’t talk about, of course, are things that are inappropriate. It should go without saying that we shouldn’t use filthy, vulgar or obscene language or take God’s name in vain.

We should take care in how we talk about others. The Bible makes it clear that it’s not Christian to gossip.

We should also be mindful not to be rude, argumentative or unkind. We might not always agree with what someone thinks, but in such cases we can try our best to disagree without being disagreeable.

And if the other person doesn’t practice Christian conversation?

We may be doing our best to keep a conversation in the Christian zone, but what if our conversation partner isn’t?

Depending on the situation, we might try one of the following:

• Let it go and move on. The person we are talking with might be young or new in the faith. Or we may only be getting acquainted. Sometimes we need to listen and show care. 
• Change the subject. Our conversation partner might not be a Christian, but sometimes a change of topic is all that’s needed to get someone to speak more appropriately.
• Say something gently or perhaps a bit more boldly. This might work if the other person is a Christian, but is perhaps struggling with a difficult circumstance or issue. He or she might need, and even appreciate, getting a nudge in the right direction.
• Excuse ourselves from the conversation. If it becomes clear that the person we’re talking to wants to drag the conversation into the proverbial gutter, this might be our best option.

Be patient as you grow

Just as we’ll sometimes need to be patient with our conversation partners, so we’ll sometimes need to be patient with ourselves. The standards for Christian conversation are high, and we’ll fall short at times. But with practice—and prayer—we can become more proficient.

Keep in mind the goal: to love and honor God by showing love and care for other people. Daily ask God for the help you need to be able to do this more effectively. The results can be pleasant and uplifting, as we build up our relationships with Christian conversations.

 

Sidebar: Scriptures About Our Words and Conversations

The Bible has a lot to say about our words—our conversations. Its instruction provides us with things we should be striving for and asking God to help us practice. Here are some verses you might want to spend some time thinking about:

• Psalm 19:14: “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer.”
• Psalm 141:3: “Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.”
• Proverbs 15:23: “A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, and a word spoken in due season, how good it is!”
• Proverbs 16:24: “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.”
• Proverbs 25:11: “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.”
• Proverbs 31:26: “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.”
• Ephesians 4:29: “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”
• Colossians 4:6: “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.”
• James 1:19: “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”
• 1 John 1:3: “That you also may have fellowship with us; and truly our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ.”

The Bible also has instruction for what we need to avoid. The following is a sample of just a few of these passages that we need to be mindful of:

• Proverbs 11:13: “A talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter.”
• Proverbs 12:22: “Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who deal truthfully are His delight.”
• Proverbs 16:28: “A perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer separates the best of friends.”
• Proverbs 26:20: “Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; and where there is no talebearer, strife ceases.”
• Colossians 3:8: “But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth.”
• 2 Timothy 2:23-24: “But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient.”
• Titus 3:9: “But avoid foolish disputes, genealogies, contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and useless.”