Grandparenting Challenge: Finding Opportunities to Influence Grandchildren

Grandchildren are one of life’s sweetest rewards for those who have endured the challenges of raising children. As the Bible affirms, “Grandchildren are the crown of the aged” (Proverbs 17:6, English Standard Version).

Watching grandchildren grow from tiny, helpless infants into independent adults with their own unique talents and abilities is one of life’s marvels. It’s often a beautiful reminder of watching our own children mature.

Yet God doesn’t intend this later stage of life to be merely observational. He instructs us to pass along our knowledge, values and spiritual experiences.

Before the ancient Israelites entered the Promised Land, Moses told them, “Only take heed to yourself, and diligently keep yourself, lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. And teach them to your children and your grandchildren” (Deuteronomy 4:9, emphasis added).

This command was given to those who had assembled at Mount Sinai and heard God speak the 10 Commandments. Moses reminded them, “Then you came near and stood at the foot of the mountain, and the mountain burned with fire to the midst of heaven, with darkness, cloud, and thick darkness. And the LORD spoke to you out of the midst of the fire. You heard the sound of the words, but saw no form; you only heard a voice” (verses 11-12).

Our challenge as grandparents is to recognize and seize those special moments when our words or actions can make a lasting impact on our grandchildren. God expected His people not only to remember that profound experience but to pass it on to future generations.

This command is echoed by Asaph in Psalm 78: “We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might, and the wonders that he has done . . . that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children” (verses 4, 6, ESV).

God’s expectations remain relevant today. As grandparents, we are entrusted with the sacred task of transmitting truth, wisdom and faith to those who come after us.

Obstacles

Passing down life lessons, spiritual experience, cultural traditions and family history remains an important role for older generations. But doing so is not always easy. Barriers often arise that make it difficult to meaningfully connect with grandchildren.

Still, overcoming these challenges is vitally important, not only for grandchildren, but also for the well-being of grandparents. Research has shown that close relationships with grandchildren can help older adults feel less isolated and have better mental health.

Geographical distance

One of the most common barriers is physical separation. According to an AARP survey, over half of American grandparents have at least one grandchild who lives more than 200 miles away.

To bridge the distance, plan regular visits and, if possible, celebrate holidays and religious holy days together. Video calls and texts can sustain the connection. Even small gestures—like calling to congratulate a grandchild’s achievement—can strengthen a relationship.

Different parenting styles

Having more years of experience, grandparents often have strong views on parenting. However, it’s important to remember that the primary responsibility for raising children rests with their parents.

When caring for your grandchildren, honor and uphold the values of their parents. These values include discipline, food and entertainment. Supporting parental decisions helps maintain family harmony and keeps the doors of influence open.

Religious differences

Religious beliefs can be a particularly delicate subject. For example, if you observe the seventh-day Sabbath and biblical holy days, but your children and grandchildren do not, this can lead to tension.

While you may long to share your spiritual understanding, it’s essential to recognize that parents have the primary responsibility for their children’s spiritual education (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). If your children ask you not to discuss certain beliefs with their children, you need to honor their wishes.

However, even if we are not able to share our understanding of some aspects of our faith, there are usually other biblical commands, such as not lying, not stealing, kindness and respect for others, that align with the parents’ values.

By recognizing these challenges and finding solutions to overcome them, grandparents can strengthen their relationships with grandchildren and leave a lasting, positive legacy.

Finding opportunities

Our challenge as grandparents is to recognize and seize those special moments when our words or actions can make a lasting impact on our grandchildren. These are opportunities to address the most important matters in life, offer guidance, share our faith and express love. Whether these opportunities are planned or spontaneous, these moments can have a powerful and lasting influence.

Here are some occasions where meaningful opportunities may arise:

Bedtime: If you are fortunate enough to have the opportunity to tuck a young grandchild in bed, you have been given a wonderful window of influence. During these precious minutes, you can read a short book together, pray together or even help a little one learn how to pray.

Thanking God for the blessings and fun one has enjoyed during the day teaches gratitude. Praying for others who are sick or facing trials cultivates compassion. Asking God for help with the challenges of life promotes dependence upon and trust in God.

A simple good night hug and an “I love you” reassurance before pulling up the covers and turning off the lights can lay a foundation with young grandchildren for future conversations about more important values.

The time just before going to bed can also be an opportunity for important discussions with teens and young adults. When the day is over, some young people may become reflective about their challenges, worries, hopes and wishes. This is the time some are willing to open up and discuss the things on their minds.

While you may have been ready to head to bed earlier in the evening, don’t dismiss these opportune moments with a quick, “We can talk about this tomorrow.” The window of opportunity for deep discussion may not be open tomorrow.

Seize the moment! It could be the gateway to a heartfelt and meaningful exchange.

Car rides: Driving a grandchild to school, a sports practice, a music lesson or some similar type of activity can become more than simply a routine. It can be a relationship-building time.

Ask simple, open-ended questions like, “What are you looking forward to today?” or “What happened at school today?” Simple questions may lead to deeper conversations.

Many young people immediately get on their personal devices as they get in a car. However, you just might be able to break through the digital barrier if you begin a conversation as soon as your grandchild gets in the vehicle.

Meals out: Taking a grandchild out for a meal offers a unique opportunity for one-on-one time. Let your grandchild choose the place. The relaxed setting can open the door to more personal conversations. There’s a good chance both of you will enjoy and benefit from the occasion.

Holidays and holy days: These days often provide opportunities to recount family stories, traditions and values. Family gatherings foster a shared sense of identity and belonging. The fun and festivities may not yield many opportunities for deep conversations, but these times together build bonds that can help communication flow more easily in the future.

Shared interests: Whether it’s playing catch, going to games, crafting, cooking or working on a hobby together, shared activities often prove to be fertile ground for connection and conversation.

I know of a grandfather who regularly takes his grandsons to see Major League Baseball games. These occasions often include times of travel, eating meals together and memories that will last forever.

Meaningful experiences often begin with simple, shared interests. The time spent together while pursuing these interests can provide wonderful opportunities for important conversations about character, perseverance and other life values.

Starting a meaningful discussion

When an opportunity arises to talk to your grandchild about the important things in life, don’t squander the occasion.

If you are unsure how to begin, start by asking a question or questions that gently lead to the topic you’d like to discuss. Or begin by telling your grandchild a story about yourself and how you learned a valuable lesson.

Above all, once you enter an important discussion, don’t be overly critical. A judgmental tone may shut down future opportunities for discussions.

Instead, acknowledge that we all have to learn and that in God’s sight we are all works in progress. Praise your grandchild for the progress he or she has made, and if your relationship is sound, you might offer a single thoughtful suggestion on how he or she can improve.

At this stage of life, our greatest role may be that of a trusted counselor—a loving guide who passes along timeless truths and encouragement.

For further thoughts regarding the role of grandparents, see “Leaving a Legacy for Your Grandchildren” and “Grandparents Raising Grandchildren.”