The Gender Divide: Marriage Under Attack

For as long as humans have existed, men and women have been drawn to each other, brought together by a universally understood attraction.

But something is happening. As the social and political climate heats up, tensions are flaring and young men and women are finding themselves increasingly at odds. Chances are you know exactly what I’m talking about. Perhaps you’ve witnessed it firsthand. 

In our digital age, much of this conflict now plays out online. As political and social discourse unfolds, social media shines a spotlight on just how differently men and women view many of today’s most divisive issues. Finding themselves on opposite sides, they prepare to face off, convinced that the other side simply does not—and never will—understand them.

As frustration bubbles over, they trade jabs across every form of media.

On the surface, the sting from these punches may appear short-lived. But beneath the surface, the damage lingers—and it’s heartbreaking to watch.

Evidence of a growing gender divide

Surveys can never tell the full story, but they can provide a glimpse into the changes taking place within our world.

For instance, in 2023, a Pew Research Center survey revealed that only 67 percent of 12th grade students indicated a desire to get married one day, down from 80 percent in 1993. Perhaps even more revealing is the breakdown by gender: only 61 percent of 12th grade girls now say they want to get married, compared to 83 percent three decades earlier—a dramatic shift in just 30 years.

Satan sows division

While seeing these statistics charted on a graph is striking, the sentiments they reveal are not entirely surprising. The severity of division between the genders may be increasing, but tension between men and women has existed in one form or another for generations.

God intended marriage to be a joyous and rewarding experience—one in which husbands and wives gain understanding and appreciation for one another, grow in sacrificial love and come to better appreciate the sacrifice of our Savior. From the beginning, division has been a tool that Satan has wielded to drive a wedge between people, pushing men and women apart as far back as the Garden of Eden.

It’s impossible to read the story of Adam and Eve without being struck by the beauty of the scene it describes: an idyllic setting, with man and woman living in harmony. It’s perfect—until Satan enters the picture, introducing the human race to sin through temptation. The aftermath of that sin brought blame and curses that changed everything.

Now, we find ourselves in a strikingly similar situation. The Garden of Eden is gone, but Satan is still present—working just as hard to keep men and women apart.

Why Satan attacks marriage

When Satan attacks something so viciously and relentlessly, it’s worth asking why. We know he is our adversary and seeks to strike where he can inflict the greatest damage.

So why is he attacking the relationship between men and women—driving them apart until they abandon any desire for marriage altogether?

Because marriage has a divine purpose—one so important that Satan seeks to keep us from desiring it at all. He knows that if men and women become so repulsed by one another that they abandon their pursuit of this special relationship, they will never experience its benefits or the many lessons God designed it to teach.

Why marriage matters

As a young married woman, I can’t claim to fully understand all the ways marriage changes and shapes the lives of men and women. There are many milestones that my husband and I have yet to experience. But even in its early years, I can already see marriage’s transformative power at work.

Through this experience, I’ve come to see that marriage does more than just strengthen our relationships with one another—it also reveals deeply important lessons about our relationship with God. This is why Satan is working so hard to make people devalue marriage or avoid it altogether. And it’s precisely why embracing it matters so much.

Marriage deepens appreciation and understanding

Much of the division between the genders begins with a failure to truly understand one another.

Marriage provides one of the best environments for men and women to grow in this kind of understanding—the kind both desire, yet often struggle to achieve.

Of course, it’s not guaranteed that a man and woman will come to better understand one another simply by sharing life at this intimate level. But those who approach marriage with humility and a sincere desire for unity can find it.

As mutual understanding is established, mutual appreciation naturally follows. With that appreciation, couples are better positioned to recognize and honor God’s design for husbands and wives and the distinct roles He established within the marriage relationship.

(To learn more, download our booklet God’s Design for Marriage.)

Marriage teaches the true meaning of love

Love is a small word that conveys tremendous meaning. But, as essential as it is, it’s notably absent in much of the discourse playing out between men and women online. Understandably, when people see this lack of love on full display, they’re turned off, believing the opposite gender to be unwilling or incapable of demonstrating the love they would require from a spouse.

For those who hope to be married one day, this can be frightening. This is why it’s so important to remember that the generalized stereotypes we see online don’t apply to everyone. The world has always lacked love, but there are men and women out there who deeply love and care for others.

When these individuals find each other, they can use marriage as a training ground for learning more about what love truly means—and what it requires.

As husbands and wives learn to show their love through mutual sacrifice, they begin to better understand what it means to lay down one’s life for one’s spouse and that there truly is no greater demonstration of love than this. (See “What Is the Meaning of John 15:13: ‘Lay Down One’s Life’?”)

Over time, the sacrificial love cultivated in marriage can lead to a deeper appreciation for the sacrificial love that God the Father and Jesus Christ have for all people. After all, what demonstration of love could be greater than Christ’s willingness to give His life for mankind or the Father’s willingness to give up His only begotten Son?

Marriage models Christ’s relationship with His Church

God intended marriage to be a joyous and rewarding experience—one in which husbands and wives gain understanding and appreciation for one another, grow in sacrificial love and come to better appreciate the sacrifice of our Savior. This alone helps explain why Satan attacks marriage so fiercely.

But there’s a much bigger reason why Satan sows division and draws people away from marriage. The marriage relationship between husbands and wives mirrors Christ’s own relationship with His Church—the body of believers who commit themselves to Him.

The instructions given to husbands and wives in Ephesians 5 include an important spiritual parallel:

• “For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church” (verse 23).
• “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (verse 25).

In verse 32, Paul makes this parallel even clearer, revealing that these instructions—though directed at men and women—are really about Christ’s relationship with His Church. This explains our collective role as the future wife of Jesus Christ when He returns to the earth.

It’s possible to understand this parallel without being married, but it takes a respect for the institution itself. By driving men and women apart, Satan strives to erode all respect for marriage and obscure the truth of God’s plan for mankind.

To the unmarried: encouragement in a season of waiting

Understanding the deeper meaning of marriage—both as a reflection of Christ’s relationship with His Church and as a training ground for love, sacrifice and understanding—makes its importance unmistakable.

But another important truth must be acknowledged. Until you meet the person you will marry, these descriptions of marriage and the lessons it teaches can feel like distant ideals—beautiful, but belonging to a reality you feel you may never experience.

If you find yourself in this season of waiting, take comfort in the knowledge that God understands your desire to be married and that He has the power to bring someone into your life who defies society’s stereotypes—someone with whom you can learn the true lessons of marriage, not in theory, but in lived experience.

In the meantime, reject narratives that seek to tear marriage down and diminish its value. Once we understand why God instituted marriage, we realize that it’s far too important to abandon. Hold it in high regard. Defend it, learn from it and champion it, trusting that God still brings men and women together—not by accident, but by design.