Overcoming the Temptation of Sexual Alternatives

The often-quoted Greek orator Demosthenes had this grim but eerily familiar statement about how pagan society accepted alternatives thousands of years ago: “Mistresses we keep for the sake of pleasure, concubines for the daily care of our persons, but wives to bear us legitimate children and to be faithful guardians of our households.” 

Imagine the shock to the Hellenistic world when Christianity emerged and taught the necessity of loving and being faithful to one wife. Enjoying sexual pleasure, caring for one another and having a family were all to be found in a single relationship—with just one other person.

Many would find the Demosthenes quote abhorrent, and rightly so. Yet, paradoxically, some voices encourage women to pursue whatever sexual experiences “empower” them the most, criticizing even the idea of a loving, committed marriage with one man as a form of slavery. 

Modern masculinity, influenced by the “alpha male” concept, might not find the above quote objectionable. This mindset likely contributes to men being twice as likely as women to view pornography regularly.

Sexual alternatives widespread today

Today, promiscuity and pornography are no longer the only ways for human beings to engage in sexual activity outside of marriage. 

Sexual alternatives, both old and new, continue to entice people. 

These include drawings that exaggerate the human anatomy to elicit sexual pleasure, erotic literature designed to create sexual images in the brain, adult chat rooms where people can engage in imaginary role-play, and pornography featuring animated or real people performing sexual acts for eager customers.   

And modern artificial intelligence has resulted in the invention and marketing of new sexual alternatives to the biblical model. Now we have AI chatbots, AI boyfriends and girlfriends, sex robots and dolls and other alternatives we won’t mention by name in this post.  

God’s view on sex

God made sex a beautiful and amazing gift, one to be enjoyed safely within a committed marriage (Hebrews 13:4). The sexual relationship within marriage is to be a balance of giving and receiving pleasure, all within the context of mature and committed love.  

These alternatives allow people to selfishly take and get sexual pleasure without thinking of anyone else. Tragically, our world is continually stripping God-sanctioned sexuality of its most important elements. 

First, love is detached from sex when sex is practiced outside of a loving, committed marriage. Second, safety is stripped away when it is practiced void of a committed, caring spouse. Finally, giving is removed, especially by sexual alternatives designed to satisfy one person.  

These alternatives allow people to selfishly take and get sexual pleasure without thinking of anyone else. Unfortunately, today that is not just accepted; it is increasingly celebrated.  

We don’t have to go along with these practices

According to studies, more people view pornography in America than in any other country, with 69 percent of men and 40 percent of women saying they view it online. This is a practice that even Christians can get caught up in. 

After all, AI bots and dolls can’t be hurt or damaged by their use, right?

What many fail to consider is how these practices damage the individuals using them. When we do these things, we drive ourselves deeper into selfishness and fantasies that only serve to provide us temporary, but unfulfilling, physical pleasure. 

The reality is that these practices will do us great long-term moral and spiritual damage. They are not only addictive but also harden a person’s character into greater selfishness.  

How do we stop these destructive practices and have a healthy, guilt-free and morally enriching sex life? 

Three alternatives to sexual alternatives

1. Restrict sex to the marriage bed. 

There is a ridiculous lie that says married couples don’t have as adventurous and passionate sex as uncommitted couples, random strangers or sex through alternatives. 

Both pornography and Hollywood continue to double down on this false narrative, influencing people to think that getting sexual pleasure from alternatives or nameless sources is the best they can get. 

When actually studied, this phony lie falls apart. 

Many studies show that committed married couples report better sex lives than any other demographic, over and over again. (Here’s one of them: “Want More and Better Sex? Get Married and Stay Married.”)

2. If you aren’t married, connect with other human beings often and avoid withdrawing socially.

While there’s no law requiring marriage, human beings do have an innate need for connection and companionship, as highlighted in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. 

When we put God first, we’ll become more repulsed by the lies of our world. Practice loving and worshipping God rather than idolizing the human form. Our society has increasingly recognized the harmful impacts of loneliness and isolation.

One of the most damaging practices that can occur is to try to find a temporary connection through sexual activity, whether through hooking up, watching pornography or using sexual alternatives.

In reality, these practices provide only temporary gratification, not ongoing fulfillment. 

The worst thing that has been done to human relationships is sexualizing the interactions we have with those who are supposed to be close to us. 

People need human connection and deep relationships that have nothing to do with sexual desire. Romance and sex within marriage are a great blessing; but close, connected friendships are also essential. Pornography, casual sex and other sexual alternatives tragically keep people addicted and isolated. 

3. Whether married or single, flee the lies of sexual alternatives. 

Pornography and sexual alternatives lie all the time: “It’s not wrong to lust after someone who isn’t yours.” “It’s not wrong if it is AI or just an illustration.” “You can find fulfillment and sexual satisfaction outside a committed marital relationship.” “There’s nothing wrong with deriving gratification from a chatbot or doll.”

These lies (and more) lead to many tragic consequences, including violence against women, crippling depression, unrealistic views of sex, losing sight of the “give” side of intimacy and a life devoid of real love. 

How do we fight back against such a wave of lies?

• Embrace accountability and remove temptation. Set up systems of accountability and appropriate filters on devices in order to avoid temptation. There are many resources that can provide the level of accountability we need to overcome the lure of these practices. 
• Call out the lies as you see them. Be clear in your mind about the emptiness and dishonesty of what you see. For example, upon seeing an image designed to entice, we can think: “That illustration is clearly exaggerating her anatomy in order to elicit idolatry and sexual pleasure. I must turn away and not look.”
  
  When seeing sexual images on social media feeds, we can say to ourselves: “They want to exploit my trauma, or loneliness, or discontent in my marriage to get clicks or subscriptions. They don’t care about me at all. Look away.”
• Put God first. When we put God first, we’ll become more repulsed by the lies of our world. Practice loving and worshipping God rather than idolizing the human form. Doing that will help us genuinely love others for who they are rather than for what they can do for us (Matthew 22:36-40).

No need for sexual alternatives

Christians, especially men, can avoid these temptations and defend biblical purity in their lives. They can say no to the sexual alternatives being sold by society, they can avoid pornography in all forms, and they can reject the temporary thrill of the hookup culture. 

Instead of all these things, they can focus on truly loving and giving to others and on pursuing a committed marriage relationship in order to enjoy the sexual and emotional fulfillment that only marriage can provide. 

Reject and avoid the sexual alternatives designed to keep you isolated, selfish and miserable.

Photo credits:
iStock.com/MarioGuti
iStock.com/Aramyan

Date Posted: November 18, 2024