How to Stop Being Cynical

Have we ever said something like the following?

• “Politicians are liars and crooks, and they really only want to get re-elected.”
• “Police officers are not out to protect and serve, but to oppress and harass.”
• “It doesn’t matter what small changes are made in this company, the rot of corruption is so deep it will never be fixed.”
• “Those who are poor deserve it, and you shouldn’t believe any of their sob stories.”

Of course, there are times when we need to be realistic and practice discernment (this can guard us from being taken advantage of)—but becoming cynical is different.

Cynicism is the inclination to see everything and everyone through a dark and skeptical lens. There is a fine line between being a realist and being a cynic. 

Cynicism is not only spiritually dangerous but is also bad for our health, gives us an illusion of superiority over others and overall makes life miserable for us and others. 

A closer look at cynicism

Cynicism is often a defense mechanism that oversimplifies life’s struggles and places us in a position of intellectual superiority over others.    

• Have money troubles? “All corporations are evil, all politicians are greedy, and all unions are corrupt.” (It couldn’t be that we mishandle our money.)
• Have relationship troubles? “All women are unrealistic, all men are pigs, and the dating pool is rigged.” (It couldn’t be that we struggle to maintain relationships.)
• Have health problems? “You can’t believe any doctors; they are in it only for the big pharma money.” (It couldn’t be that we live an unhealthy lifestyle.)

The common denominator with these statements is they often can’t be backed up with hard facts and include a heavy dose of condemnation of others. 

How do we fight back against the tempting pull of extreme cynicism?

Three keys to overcoming cynicism

1. Resolve to be a realistic optimist, not a cynical pessimist.

Those overwhelmed with cynicism may scoff at reasonable optimists looking for the silver lining in situations, calling them “Pollyanna” or delusional. We don’t have to be utterly oblivious to life’s realities to be realistic optimists. However, we sometimes need to do some positive reframing to maintain an overall positive vision of life. 

Realistic optimism admits this world contains evil and people have shortcomings, but doesn’t embrace a darkly cynical approach that condemns everything and everyone. Life will not always be great, and sometimes it is just downright awful. But we can consciously choose to change how we view our circumstances and not wallow in them. 

Realistic optimism is not delusional and can make us a much better person. Consider some examples of this mindset:

• “I know some money sent to relief organizations and charities can be wasted, but they also do good for the most vulnerable. I’ll try to choose the best ones and give what I can to help others, even if it’s done imperfectly.” 
• “Immigration has become an ugly political issue, but behind this issue are vulnerable human beings who need help.”    
• “Some people are out to take advantage of me, but that is not everyone. There are people who try to be genuinely trustworthy and honest.”  

Notice a difference? This kind of realistic optimism admits this world contains evil and people have shortcomings, but it doesn’t embrace a darkly cynical approach that condemns everything and everyone. 

2. Call yourself out when you see yourself becoming cynical. 

When we notice ourselves cynically dwelling only on the negatives of a situation, we can call ourselves out on it. This isn’t about finding a silver lining in every terrible thing that happens. It’s about realizing there are different ways of looking at situations, news, events and people.

God instructs us to focus on things that are of good report and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8).

Realistically, evil exists in many situations, but focusing on and speaking of only the evil is cynical. A balanced realism acknowledges the evil but also finds the good.  

Here are a few examples:

• “Another tornado ripped through a town, senselessly killing people and destroying property.” “However, it’s encouraging how community members came together to help and show kindness to those affected by the tragedy.” 
• “More politicians have been caught up in scandals of breaking the law and greedily enriching themselves.” “However, other officials stay out of the news  and simply work hard to do what they believe is best for the community.”  
• “There are some bad companies who overcharge for low-quality products.” “However, other companies build high-quality products at a fair price.” 

Yes, there are many bad things in the world—awful, terrible and horrible things occur every day. But that doesn’t represent the totality of humanity. We can choose to focus on things that are positive (Philippians 4:8). 

On top of that, we should also focus on the coming Kingdom of God—a time when the evils of our world will be fixed and justice will prevail.

The more we “seek first the kingdom of God” (Matthew 6:33), the more balanced and positive our outlook on life will be. 

3. Keep the bigger picture in mind.

This life is a training ground for the future. Christians are to build spiritual characteristics, such as love, kindness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). We focus on God’s purpose for us beyond this physical life (1 Corinthians 15:19). 

The bigger picture is always the realistic goal that fights back against the unreasonable negativity of cynicism. For Christians, this is a great help in the battle against extreme cynicism. It can help us see the beautiful forest beyond all the not-so-beautiful trees. 

How can we keep the big picture in mind daily? Here are two examples of negative thoughts we might have and how we can respond to them and reframe them:

• If we have thoughts like this: “I’ll never be good at my job; I feel like an unqualified impostor,” we can respond to them like this: “However, getting comfortable in a career takes time and effort, and I need to focus on getting better every day.” 
• If we have thoughts like this: “Nobody wants to be with me, and I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life,” we can respond to them like this: “However, human beings are notoriously terrible at predictions, so I shouldn’t discount the possibility that someone will come into my life in the future. In the meantime, I can focus on improving myself for that person.” 

The big picture consists of all the connections we are making in the small aspects of our lives now, and some are not enjoyable. No one likes doing push-ups every day for months, but everyone likes the strength, energy and muscle tone that come because of doing them. 

The bigger picture is always the realistic goal that fights back against the unreasonable negativity of cynicism.

You can be realistic without being cynical

The solution to extreme cynicism is not being delusional or refusing to acknowledge the truth. The solution is realistic optimism, recognizing the good and the bad, and seeing the bigger picture beyond the things that aren’t so pleasant.

The Bible predicts a future that is bright and optimistic (Revelation 21:4), but with a lot of realistic negatives along the way to get there (Matthew 24:21). Escaping cynicism means making our way through an often-dark world, but keeping a bright and optimistic vision of the world to come.  

Cynicism causes us to stand still and stew over how awful everything is. Realistic optimism pushes us to grow, help others, love and hope.

Date Posted: August 11, 2025