When I Told My Family I Wouldn’t Celebrate Christmas

It was an exciting time. I had been learning biblical truths that challenged my assumptions and compelled me to reexamine long-held beliefs. God was drawing me to Him.

One of the issues I confronted was Christmas. It was a day I had never kept religiously, but one that my family held dear as an opportunity to express our love for one another.

What I learned, however, is that Jesus wasn’t born in December, and God never told us to celebrate His birth. I came to realize Christmas is actually pagan in origin and repugnant to God. (For more on this topic, see our blog post “Is Christmas a Pagan Holiday?”)

I decided I could no longer participate, but I worried about what would happen when I told my family I wouldn’t celebrate Christmas.

Poor choices

It was this worry that resulted in my making some very poor decisions. My choices about how, and especially when, to tell my family I wouldn’t celebrate Christmas anymore caused unnecessary stress for me and for my family.

I had my reasons. They were all based on worrying about what my family might think in light of current trends during the mid-1970s, when I had left home to attend college in Oregon.

That decade witnessed the appearance of quite a few cults, and at that time Oregon was known for several. Those cults included Marshall Applewhite’s Heaven’s Gate, famous for its later group suicide in San Diego.

During that time, families worried about their loved ones being “brainwashed,” and the cultural phenomenon of cult deprogramming arose. Cults and deprogramming were big topics in the news. Almost everyone knew about these trends.

It was against this background that I began considering how to explain my new beliefs to my parents, my sisters and my brother. Even though I knew God’s Church isn’t anything like those cults, I worried about what would happen when I told my family I wouldn’t celebrate Christmas.

Facing an uncomfortable truth

I planned to be with family during the Christmas break. It was something we always did. So, how and when would I tell them about my beliefs?

There were three options.

First, I could write letters to everyone. There was no email back then, and writing letters would be time-consuming. On top of that, letters would not allow my family members any opportunity to ask questions. I reasoned that this option wasn’t right for my situation.

Second, I could telephone each of my family members. But long-distance phone calls were expensive. I envisioned long, drawn-out conversations as I attempted to answer each question. Also, I had no desire to face the same uncomfortable situation so many times.

Again, I reasoned that this option didn’t seem to be the right approach.

Telling family in person

The third option was to tell my family members in person after we had gathered in one place. Unfortunately, I did not arrive until late Christmas Eve. Several of them had already gone to bed.

That meant I would be telling them on Christmas morning, the very time we had always come together to exchange gifts. Not yet knowing my new beliefs, my parents and sisters and brother had all bought presents for me.

Needless to say, I was quite uncomfortable. Waiting so long to tell my family about my decision not to celebrate Christmas had brought me to this point. Even so, I finally told them.

What about you?

Perhaps you are in a similar position now. Here are some principles I learned. You might find them to be useful guidance as you prepare to tell your family and closest friends about why you no longer celebrate Christmas:

1. Put God first.

Obeying God does not come naturally, especially when we find ourselves facing difficult circumstances. Our natural reaction in these situations might be to justify disobedience, perhaps relying on the idea that “God will understand.”

Scripture argues against this justification. The very first commandment makes this clear: “You shall have no other gods before Me” (Exodus 20:3). That means putting God first in our lives, even when we face difficult challenges.

Knowing that Christmas has pagan origins is not enough. Knowing that God abhors pagan rites (Deuteronomy 12:29-31) is not enough. We must choose to come out of those traditions and practices.

We must consciously decide that God comes first, no matter the cost to us personally. It’s not an easy choice, but it’s the only one that leads to life.

2. Timing is important.

One lesson I learned from my mistakes is that timing is important. I had yielded to my fears about how my family would react to my decision, putting off the unpleasant task as long as possible.

That was an extremely poor choice. Christmas morning, for obvious reasons, is not the right time to let loved ones know that you won’t be celebrating with them. There was a stack of unopened gifts in front of me when I finally explained my beliefs.

Because of my delay, I was not only explaining why I would no longer celebrate Christmas, but also rejecting their gifts—gifts that represented their love. In hindsight, I can see that I should have handled things differently.

First and foremost, I would have let my family know long before Christmas that I would no longer take part in the festivities. If I had still been unable to contact some of them, I would not have compounded my error by rejecting their gifts on Christmas morning.

I could have accepted those gifts graciously, explaining that I was not participating in Christmas, but merely accepting what they had so lovingly prepared for me. At the same time, I could have explained that I would not be accepting Christmas gifts in the future.

I should have spent more time thinking through the timing and considering their feelings and perspective to a greater extent than I did. I put off a difficult task, convincing myself that I had good reasons, and then chose to reject my family’s gifts on Christmas morning, causing unnecessary pain.

3. Be careful not to offend.

Standing up for the truth is important, but it is also important how we make our stand. What seems obvious to us may be difficult for loved ones to grasp, so we must choose our approach very carefully.

Causing unnecessary offense is wrong. The apostle Paul wrote to his protégé Timothy, warning him to avoid foolish disputes that generate strife (2 Timothy 2:23).

He then went on to explain that “a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient” (verse 24).

It’s appropriate, for instance, to explain that Christmas has pagan origins. On the other hand, it is not appropriate to tell those who celebrate Christmas that they are pagans. Such labeling gains nothing and can unnecessarily offend those who might otherwise listen.

4. Don’t try to convert anyone.

Closely related to the preceding point is the recognition that it is not our place to convert other people. That is the prerogative of God the Father. In fact, Jesus proclaimed that “no one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him” (John 6:44).

I had already learned this, but my experience that Christmas morning reinforced it. After telling my family that I wouldn’t celebrate Christmas anymore, I attempted to answer all their questions.

What sticks out in my mind to this day is that, try as I might to answer a question thoroughly, someone else would ask essentially the same question—in different words—as soon as I had finished. It was exasperating, but I could see that the minds of my family were not open to what seemed clear to me.

5. Prepare to answer questions.

Although we cannot convert anyone, we should be prepared to answer questions. The apostle Peter encouraged first-century Christians to “be ready to give a defense” (1 Peter 3:15).

That means knowing the origins of Christmas and how it came to be considered a Christian holiday. It means understanding why the holiday is repugnant to God. These things I understood when I explained my beliefs to my family.

What I had not anticipated were questions that—in the minds of family members—sidestepped the religious issues. Our family met as family, celebrating family and exchanging gifts in love. We did not attend church, and we attached little religious significance to the day.

I did my best to answer their questions, but realized that I could have been better prepared. One way that would have helped is to have asked other Christians who had been down this path for their suggestions.

We shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help and advice.

6. Ask God for the right words.

An important point is recognizing our own inability to anticipate every potential question. We must instead look to the unlimited Almighty God for help. We can pray to God for wisdom (James 1:5; see our article “If Anyone Lacks Wisdom”). Jesus said when we persistently ask, seek and knock, God will answer (Luke 11:9-10).

This doesn’t mean we should not do our part in preparation, such as searching the Scriptures. What it does mean is that once we have prepared, and once we have asked God for His help, we can be confident.

7. Trust God.

Ultimately, we must trust God. He knows our fears and concerns, and He knows what lies before us. More than that, “the Father Himself loves you” (John 16:27).

Things may not happen as we hope, but God is always in control.

In my case, that Christmas morning was difficult, more difficult than I had hoped. The discussion was intense, full of passion, going on for a couple of hours. At times I felt besieged by my own family.

What happened after hours of emotional back-and-forth surprised me. One of my sisters stood up, walked over and hugged me.

Her simple act ended the discussion. At the same time, it let me know my family still loved me. It also reminded me that God is in charge.

Don’t make the same mistakes

If you’ve just learned the truth about Christmas, trust God as you prepare to tell your loved ones that you will no longer celebrate the day.

Think through how and when you will tell your family and friends. Put God first, but also be careful to consider how your decisions will affect the people you love.

You can learn more in the article “Christmas: Should Christians Celebrate It?” and related articles.