The Fifth Commandment: Honor Your Father and Mother

Objective

To help your children understand why God commands them to honor you.

Summary Statement

Read or summarize the following:

After God gave us four rules about how to show love to Him, He gave us six rules about how to show love to one another. The Fifth Commandment is the first of those rules.

Helpful Scriptures 

Before starting this lesson, we recommend that you look up these scriptures on your own and familiarize yourself with them. We’ve included notes about how they connect with this lesson, but we’ll leave it up to you to decide when and how to best introduce them to your child.

Job 32:6-9 and Proverbs 16:31 – Our parents, especially in our early years, have more life experience and a fuller perspective than we do. Age is not the only factor in possessing wisdom, but it is important.

Ephesians 6:1-4 – Paul emphasizes that the Fifth Commandment is the first commandment with an embedded promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” But he also emphasizes that the behavior of the parents (here, the father specifically) changes how easy it is for children to obey this commandment.

Also, obedience is to be “in the Lord”—there is a limit to our authority as parents. When our instructions conflict with God’s instructions, the First Commandment takes precedence.

“Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”

Colossians 3:18-21  – Again, Paul discusses obedience to parents as one aspect of a healthy, functioning family structure. Husbands and wives, children and parents all have a role to play. Parents doing their part makes it easier for children not to “become discouraged.”

Hebrews 12:7-11 – God disciplines us so that we can one day share in His holiness. As parents, our goal is to discipline our children, not out of anger and frustration, but out of a desire to help them live better lives (and ultimately accept their potential as a member of God’s family).

Discipline rarely “seems joyful” in the moment—we don’t always understand why God has us do certain things, and our children won’t always understand why we have them do certain things—but God’s discipline always has a long-term goal. As parents, our discipline should always have a long-term goal as well.

Proverbs 6:20-23 – The reason for “your father’s command” and “the law of your mother” is to be safely guided and protected from the avoidable evils and tragedies of the world.

Luke 2:41-51  – Even Jesus was obedient to His earthly parents.

A parent’s goal is to safely guide and protect their children from the avoidable evils and tragedies of the world.

Activity

The Maze of Life

Supplies needed:

A decoder lens or red decoder glasses

If you are crafting your own decoder (see the end of the lesson for a template), you’ll need:

• Heavy-duty cardstock

• Red cellophane

• Scissors

• Glue

Two colored copies of the maze included at the end of the lesson

Pen or marker (preferably black)

The list of the 10 Commandments from the previous lesson

Review: Look at the list of the 10 Commandments you made with your children in the previous lesson. Have your children read (or help them read) the Fifth Commandment: “Honor your father and your mother.”

Ask: “What do you think it means to honor someone?”

To honor someone is to love and respect and listen to them. God wants us all to love and obey our parents, just like we all love and obey Him.

In the Bible, God says something else about this commandment. He says that when we honor our fathers and our mothers, our lives are better.

Ask: “Why do you think our lives are better when we honor our parents?”

Activity Continued

Hand your children one copy of the maze. Ask them to complete it. Your children will probably choose the most direct path to the finish.

Next, hand them the second copy of the maze and say, “Let’s do it again, but this time, I’ll tell you which way to go.” Using the decoder (so only you can see through it), direct your children through the maze, avoiding all the sad faces and collecting all the happy faces. Don’t explain what you see through the decoder.

Ask your children what they were thinking while you were giving directions. Did the path you pointed out make sense? Did it feel like a waste of time? Why didn’t you choose the most direct path? What might be the purpose of the decoder? Listen while your children share their thoughts.

Summary Continued

Continue reading or summarizing:

Ask: “Do you ever feel frustrated with the instructions and rules I give you? Do those instructions and rules sometimes feel like this maze? You saw a faster way to the finish line, and I took you down a long and winding path. Here—I want to show you what I can see about this maze.”

Let your children use the decoder and look at both the mazes.

Ask: “Do you see the difference? Your path went through a lot of sad faces, and mine took you through all the happy faces.”

Life is a lot like that. Sometimes, we are going to see the quickest way to the finish line—but we might not see all the things that will make us sad or hurt us on the way. Parents have already been through a lot of life—God helps them to see things children can’t quite see yet. Sometimes, those are things that will make our lives better. Sometimes, those are things that will make our lives worse. Part of a parent’s job is to help us find the best way forward—even when it doesn’t look like the best way forward.

When we honor our parents by trusting them and listening to them, things are going to work out better for us. Fewer bad consequences, more good consequences. That’s part of the reason God promises our lives will be better when we honor our parents.

Make it your own

Here are some ways to personalize or modify this activity:

Invisible Ink: If you can’t get ahold of red cellophane, consider printing out a blank maze (see below) and drawing in your own happy and sad faces using lemon juice. A heat source (e.g., a lightbulb) will turn the lemon juice brown, revealing the faces. With this variation, you’ll need to memorize the path your children will need to follow.

Not by Sight: You could also adapt this to an outdoor activity. Have your children wear blindfolds and try to navigate their way through a yard full of water balloons or other obstacles, listening to your verbal instructions.

 

Discussion

After finishing the maze, take some time to chat with your children about the activity and about the importance of the Fifth Commandment. Here are some open-ended questions you can use to start a discussion (and some hints to get your children thinking about the answers).

Remember, these questions are just suggestions. Feel free to use the ones you think would work best for your family (and come up with some of your own). You know your children best—the important thing is coming up with questions that will get them talking and thinking.

Question: What are some ways God wants us to show honor to our parents?

Hint: Ask your children what would have happened if they ignored your instructions in the maze. Help them see that listening and responding is part of honoring.

Question: Is there anyone God expects me to honor?

Hint: Remind them that their grandparents are also given authority over their grandchildren, if applicable —and also remind them that God is our parent. If we cannot show honor to our parents, we will not be able to show honor to our heavenly Father.

Question: Is there anything I do that makes it hard for you to honor me? What makes it easier?

Hint: Your children may remember feelings with more clarity than they remember actual events. Try asking about times when listening to you made them feel frustrated or happy. Take special note of how your children answer these questions—it may help you both in future interactions.

Question: What do you think would happen if no one honored their father and mother?

Hint: Help your children imagine what the world might look like if all children could do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted—if they never had to listen to instructions from grownups ever again. What would happen if they never had a bedtime, or ate nothing but donuts, never had to learn anything for school, etc.?

There’s an opportunity here to share an important parallel—just as your children should listen to and honor you, we should all listen to and honor God. He also gives us rules to live better lives—to avoid the sad faces and find the happy ones.